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I have a weird allergy. 



I’m allergic to jerks. 



I’m especially allergic to jerks that are overall assholes to other people. If, in fact, you are a venue, photographer, human being, etc, and it’s discovered that your secret identity is in fact a hellacious douchebag of an individual, word will spread rapidly, I’ll probably mock you mercilessly on social media, and if you’re a SUPER big fat jerkface, I’ll even write a blog about you. 


Once upon a time there was a really sweet couple that hired a photographer to take their photos. Their session was bland at best, and then, in one of those moments of extreme assholery, their photographer switched his prices and things got stupid expensive once their shoot was finished. And they couldn’t afford it, nor should they have to. 


But then, turns out they were friends of one of my bestest photographer friends ever. And that photographer friend told me what had happened. And so I then drove to Missouri and shot their session myself for a couple of beers and a tank of gas. 


Because you just ought not to be a jerkface to folks. 


Quote that. 


Elie and Jordan, you guys are amazing and wonderful and I’m glad we got to hang out. Thanks for the laughs. And the beers. 






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Where do I even start with this wedding?


First, I love the Silo Event Center. It’s a gorgeous place to shoot. 


Second, I love this couple. And the entire wedding party. I’m not going to go into graphic detail here, but we all bonded that day over a rather crazy series of events that resulted in the accidental discovery and subsequent violent death of a creature that would’ve eaten all of us if given the chance. The best part of that story is someone, somewhere, caught the entire encounter on video. If you’re one of my new clients, ask me about this story in person.


I’m totally saving the details for the tell all book, though. 


Third, my friend Bryan Bartlett came to hang out with me for this wedding. Aside from his fantastical photography, watching him dance is worth the price of admission. Add to that my favorite manly stud of a salsa-dancing DJ, Hugo with Lion’s Road, and getting to hang out with the fabulous Ashlee Bivins doing the makeup earlier in the day, and the near death experience was totally worth it. 


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I think I’m going to start implementing a rule that each engagement session starts off with drinks at McNellie’s. 


Not to imply that people need booze to handle hanging out with me for a couple of hours (probably, yes), but sitting and hanging out is a great chance to hear a couple’s love story. In this case, one that started in 6th grade. 


I know, right? Awwwwww. 


I’m fairly certain we all laughed through this session more than we were serious, and that’s ok. Turns out happy people look cool on camera. 





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I think I’ve done exactly 4 sunrise sessions in the history of ever. 


Not because it’s not a beautiful time to shoot (it is), but mostly because my personality doesn’t wake up until around noon. Before noon, my entire existence can be summed up in Grumpy Cat’s face. Usually. 


Unless you give me Cuban coffee. 


See, I had no idea what Cuban coffee was until a few weeks ago. I met Lisa and AJ down in Key Biscayne, Florida around 7 AM for a shoot. Only the cool part that none of us realized is that we couldn’t actually get in to where we needed to be until an hour later. I then proceeded to locate the nearest coffee shop, and discovered Oasis Cafe. 

I will pause here and admit that when I first drove past the Oasis Cafe, my initial thought was how many people have walked in there and never walked out, but I actually feel that way about a lot of Miami. #sorrynotsorry

Soon, however, my need to not be a snarling cow of a human being overcame my fear of possible death and I went inside. 


And my world changed. 


They had breakfast empanadas. And all manner of fried, golden deliciousness I couldn’t pronounce. I pointed and grunted at a few different things to try, and then asked for a large coffee. A few minutes later I was handed my breakfast……and what looked like one of those little cups they make to rinse your mouth out after brushing your teeth, only no one ever buys them. A shot glass. We’ll call it a shot glass. 

They handed me a shot glass full of coffee, and I stared at it, and the guy in the apron handing it to me, and grabbed it. I then noticed everyone else around me had these little miniature coffee cups and they all looked happy and didn’t appear to be upset that they’d just gotten cheated out of the remaining 90% of their coffee, so I played along.  I walked back outside, met Lisa and AJ again, and made some sarcastic comment about the coffee I just got, and drank it all. In one drink. And it was more deliciousness than I was prepared to handle. All I remember is AJ saying something about it being super strong and Cuban coffee and don’t drink anymore and possible heart failure, but I didn’t really catch the last bit because I was already walking back in for another cup or 5. This time I pointed at a larger cup, a normal sized small coffee cup, and asked them to give me that size coffee, please. They stared at me, then each other, then gave me that size coffee. Only this time it came with about 6 little shot glass cups. 

Maybe they liked shot glass cups. Who knows. 

Turns out after I drank that entire cup as well, minus the miniature shot glass I shared with AJ, that small sized cup normally serves about 6-8 people. Because, as it turns out, Cuban coffee makes our coffee look and taste like wimpy dishwater, and has ungodly amounts of caffeine in that little shot glass sized cup. I did not know this. But I knew it for the rest of the shoot. And so did Lisa and AJ. And everyone else around us. 


I’ll be back in Miami in a couple of weeks, and you can bet your sweet bippy I’m heading back to that marvelous little hole in the wall cafe for breakfast. And MAYBE two little shot glasses of coffee. Heh. 


Lisa and AJ, thanks for letting me come down and hang out with you guys. That was awesome. 



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